MENGANTOK!

Mata nie dah macam kene letak pencungkil gigi..nak tertutup sangat nie...aARGGhh! tolong~~~~!!!!lagi sejam setngah je lagi..kejap je lagi..

AM MISSING YOU..;-(

"Dear God, if he is the ONE, please let him stay with me..in my heart..always"

"Dear God, if it is the other way round, I would always pray for his happiness..cuz he deserves it"

"Dear God, please dun let me fall in love with him so badly cuz it suddenly feels hurt when I started missing him"

" Dear God, he is to good to be true..please dun let him crush my heart"

"Dear God, there is nothing much to say except that I LOVE HIM..Really..."

*how I wish to announce his name... *in my heart, in my mind, becoming my other half..*

(tribute to Mr A.)

4.05am I dont know..:-(

Feels sick and do nothing? Yes, dats what I feel rite now..Just got back from watching IRONMAN2...This movie is definetly worth to watch! LOVE IT! from scale 1-10 I rate this movie 8! Well, that was 1 hour ago..Now, im doing nothing..

I feel like Im not myself lately..The way i treat people, react on responses, my lifestyle..etc..I just dont feel myself. Its like "someone else" is taking over my body, mind and soul..I dont know what I really want, How to start a life that satisfy me? The answer is simple....I DONT KNOW..

New resolution? Maybe later..As for now..I feel like going to rehab..I mean to find Myself..Is there a place for that particular problem? google it?

Me rite now is someone who doesnt eat properly, insomia, dealing with so many problems but still feel nothing..what am i rite now??? A Robot that looks like human perhaps? I DONT KNOW..

Aniway, lets just hope everything will get better tomorrow..please wake me up in this nightmare..! Dear God, I miss YOU..

off to sleep..p/s: mata...sile la tedo! aku dah merepek dah nie..:-(

p/s

sorry english memang macam haram...dah berkarat~~ lame tak revise..lagipon keyboard cc nie agak gampang..and to tell you the truth..it takes me only 10mins to make all that..susunan ayat..semula keluar sebijik2 dari pale otak..takde tapis2..sorry..mulut aku memang jahat..tapi kalau perangai tu belum la keluar totally..tolong jangan pakse aku buat jahat...caused aku boleh jadi sejahat- manusia...setankan ade kat sekeliling menghasut..so please..doakan yang baik2..it benefits you guys too kan...

Anger

Tahu tak apa maksud "is not something to be proud of" dan "everything has its own risk"???
kalau tahu mesti paham kehidupan dunia kan....to tell you their story, I have to tell you MINE..

I am ENGAGED that involve with someone's HUSBAND..So? why is it so bother you guys?? I take my own risk..And I bear all the consequences...My intention is to know how is it feel to be CRUEL...If Im wrong then let me learn MY lesson..I dont really need all those nonsense right now..At least Im not shame to admit my mistakes..DID YOU? I bet you "always right"..

Aniway, at first it was just a PLAN to destroy SOMEONE..I dun give a damn what the effect(s)..Ruining his marriage WASNT my intention at all..but it just went smooth with the plan..the plan that I PLANNED from the beginning..

So it almost 3 months already..this are all the risks that I need to FACE *just for info---comment are not needed here--up to you with all the speculations*
The risks:

1. his in love with me...--which I dunno how true it might be..result=its OKAY
2. his wife found out...--totally not in my list of plan...it just happened= its OKAY
3. I started to feel "love"..--which something that REALLY need DEEP CONSIDERATION= still OKAY
4. they breaking-up...still not 100% sure..but there is rumors..so let it be= its OKAY
5. I have something that comes from HIM..--Which I still consider to destroy or keep=its OKAY
* that's all what happened..tak la banyak pon..but still something..

if you guys can think out of the box, maybe I am his karma..?? the fate stated it is ME who will make him learned his lesson..or maybe, my lesson? Think people think...

I never say I am GOOD..neither that BAD..but yes..my way of life is A LOT different from you guys..so dun JUDGES..you are not in my shoes..anyway, I thank you guys for the advices..

okay, the breaking news is his wife are to get a baby GIRL in 4 months time..after what she said to me..(bitch..slut...perampas laki orang, perempuan murahan..etc...i forgot most of the nonsense)..So I LOVE HIM..??takkan nak tipu diri sendiri..tolong la...gle pathethic..lebih baik mengaku..pekung di dada korang tu pon ade gak...just you guys prefer to make it P&C..so please respect MINE.

Aniway, am thinking of the solutions..GET AWAY from the nonsense! bukan tak pernah try..bnyak kali dah try..dah sehabis baik berterus terang da..its not under my control that he loves me..KAN?

I bleh je angkat kaki ble2..n aku memang tak kisah pon asyik terluka...aku kan HATI KERING..ape de hal?!...ape2 pon aku still hidup kot sampai skang..

tahu tak ape yang lebih baik dari mengata orang?---ape kate DOAKAN orang tu sejahtera, bahagia, selamat...etc..ape2 yang baik la...kan korang pon dapat pahala? apela...kalau perempuan MURAH macam aku nie bleh pikir macam tu, PEREMPUAN BAIK macam korang takkan takleh fikir yang lebih bijak..tolong akal atas kepala..bukan dekat bontot atau lutut..THINK!

adios! sorry....emotional tak stabil...aniway, aku dah memang camnie..suke terima..tak suke, PLEASE FUCK OFF!

SAlammmss

Susun cara hidup.

Dah sebulan sem baru start..mungkin lebih...sebab dalam kalendar kolej minggu nie da masuk minggu ke 6 (kalau tak silap la...bukan sorang yang prihatin hal2 kolej...).

Otak aku dan cara hidup aku semakin jauh lari dari erti "belajar"..Aku sorang pelajar, tapi tidak belajar..??? ntahla..sendiri pon tak tahu nak labelkan diri nie sebagai apa..kesedaran sivik nie hanya datang sekali-sekala...sangat jarang oke!

Selalunye aku akan lalai...acapkali menangguhkan kerja..last2 tak buat pon..aishhh..salah satu kelemahan aku yang aku sendiri tak suka..kalau tedo lama tu lain la..favourite! :D

Che Abang kate, hidup mesti maju selangkah setiap hari (hanya ringkasan dari bebelan dia yang berjela2!)..Selagi jantung berdegup, selagi tu la hidup berjalan...bukan masa ke?? hahaha..Seriously, aku memang suck nak manage masa aku sendiri..sapa yang paham aku tu paham la aku nie macam mana..This is one thing that differs me from my fiance..TIME..Sangat2 tak boleh duduk lepak bodoh je..ada je benda yang dia kan buat..sangat suke mengemas oke! hahahha...Mr mama-to-be XD..

Bila la nak susun cara hidup aku nie??? ntah la...sampai bila boleh jawab soalan nie..bersungguh hanya sekejap..:-(

P/s: yang peliknye, sesempoi2 aku pon, keje tetap tip-top..duedate assignments tak penah extend..Dun tell me I'm an under-pressure worker! hanya bile kene pressure aku akan siapkan kerja aku..by hook or by crook (tak pasti ejaan..sangat malas nak cek dict)..

Mau kembali ke alam mimpi lepas bersahur and Blogging

camat bersahur sume..;-)